Posts

Cave Man Teach You Stuff: Car

Car. If  Ug want to make car, Ug get tree. Then Ug get lot of tree. Then Ug get rock. Then Ug get more rock. Ug get dis many rock: 🪨🪨🪨🪨 Den, Ug get nother rock. Ug stick rock in tree. Ouchy!  Ug get pokey wood stick in hand. Well, least rock in tree. Den, Ug get friend. Ug get lot of friend. Friend hold tree. Den Ug and friend push rock tree in to oder rock. Rock tree make hole in all duh rocks. Den Ug put 2 rock on log, wun rock log == dis: 🪨🪵🪨 Den Ug forget rest, so Ug wait until Ug smarter.

How Lavender Hikkins Blew Up the World (On Accident)

Once upon a time, I bought a space suit at the local dollar store. I was going to space. I then got a thrift store rocket for $595. After that, I got some good food for space, like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and apples (even though that wasn't allowed in space). All that food was $1,000,000,000,000,000,000. Then I got a magic genie to give me a bunch of luck so I could win the lottery 5 times in a row. Then, with that money, I bought a bunch of nuclear waste to use as fuel for my rocket. Then, I got a butter knife to eat lunch with the aliens, but I dropped the butter knife and it landed in the nuclear waste and it exploded.

Garden

Have you ever been really tired of planting a garden? Well come on down to the garden farm! It's garden-rific.  Jimmy, that was a horrible pun. Hey, it wasn't even supposed to be a pun!  Well, it was horrible.  Just live with it!  Oh, fine! Anyway… ignore that and come on down to the garden farm!  Jimmy! You already said that part! Tom, do you want to do this or not! Ugg!  Jimmy, we're running out of time! Just give someone else the mic! Here, come on! No, give it back! Never! [ doo doo doo doo doo. technical difficulties! doo doo doo doo doo ]. Hi! I'm Barbra Walters, as we were saying, come on down to The Garden Farm! We will plant a garden for you! And, don't steal our idea, it's patented!   

Hamburger

My hamburger would be very big. It would have an ice cream sundae on the top as well as a banana split with a cherry on top. It would have all the toppings on top. On the inside it would have cherries, plums, bacon, cheese pizza, margarita pizza, pepperoni pizza, meat lovers pizza, vegetarian pizza, carrots, tomatoes, more cheese, vegan pizza, sushi, avocado rolls, tuna rolls, salmon rolls, California rolls, spider rolls, miso soup, tuna nigiri, salmon nigiri, soy sauce, soy beans, black beans, refried beans, dry beans, eggs, pepper, salt, toast, pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes, blueberry pancakes, strawberry pancakes, banana pancakes, crepes, banana crepes, chocolate crepes, strawberry chocolate crepes, lemon with powdered sugar crepes, lemon curd, cranberry sauce, and much more. It would be 20 feet tall.

If you had a dinosaur for a pet…

 I think it would be a microraptor. I would give it beef jerky. Its feathers would be really fluffy. Its name would be jack.